Insensitivity and Fear

I am afraid of Death.

Who wouldn't be? I am afraid of Death, because I do not know what lies ahead. And not knowing is hard. I fear Death not because I want to live a longer life, but because Death is something terrible. It is not dark as others would like to portray it. It is not dark, but it is awful. No matter how peaceful someone's death is, it is still terrifying. I fear Death because it the defining moment between Eternity and Life. It is a make-or-break moment, at least for me. I fear Death, but I always see it happening it.

Everyday I see my Death. I see myself lying lifeless on the floor with blood dripping from my head. I see myself being crashed by a ten-wheeler truck while crossing South Super Hi-way. I see myself being rushed to the hospital due to a fatal disease. I see myself being dead-on-the-spot in a vehicular accident. I see myself dying a horrible and gruesome death. I always see these images. Always. It is not normal. Or is it? I do not know. But all I know is that I am that afraid.

People might not understand this, but to tell you the truth, I do not like riding a motorcycle, a car, a boat, and a plane. I find it difficult to look at a car or a motorcycle in a normal way (since dying in a sinking boat or crashing plane is something normal.) I mean, I always associate these to death, so pardon me when I say no to a free ride. That is my way of preventing my premature death.

It is normal to fear Death, I think. But what isn't normal is to make fun of someone who says "What I am concerned with is the possibility of a plane crash if I go with you." and to think ill of that someone afterwards because you are one of the people who will go to somewhere someday. (I am sorry for ranting out of the blue. I am that someone, by the way.) You (whoever you are) must not think of what I said the bad way (well, what's new? You always expect and think the worst out of the people around you, anyway.) I already apologized. It is my fault to speak out my worst fear, but you cannot blame me if I am afraid of dying. I do not wish you a bad flight or something. I am just stating my worry without intending to instill fear to any of you. That was insensitivity on my part. Pardon me. But I am afraid of dying.