An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

Are you still there? Do you still want to be my best friend?

It has been a long time since I last talked to you. I am sorry. I have been very busy with my life. You know how is it, right? I know you understand, but I know that you are hurting. I am sorry. The blame is on me. Mainly because I wasn't acting my age.

I do not want to be seen with stereotypes. Maybe that's the reason why I ignore you all the time. You are not a stereotype, but most of your friends are. Most of them are judgmental and self-righteous to the point of hypocrisy. They don't do what they preach most of the time. They'd like to think that they're like you when in fact they're not because they tend to be self-glorifying. And that's what I cannot stand. It has nothing to do with you, but sometimes it is just hard to say that you are my friend when I know for myself that I don't belong to your group of friends. It is hard to be out of place, if you know what I mean. I know that you have different kinds of friends, but still it's hard. I know that you have different groups of friends, but I was labelled to belong to that group of friend of yours (which I do not like for reasons stated above.)

I am sorry. I hope you are still my friend. I know I am stupid for ignoring you most of the time because of lame excuses I stated. I am sorry. I have been not much of a friend to you. I know it is hard to let this one pass, but your friends really have a good way of buzzing my top. I am sorry. You have been there for me when I needed someone who would understand me without even asking me what happened. Though sometimes I don't like how you can be so omniscient and all that.

That brings me to the reason why I wrote to you. My life has been a complete mess since the time I stopped hanging out with you (with you, not with your group of friends.) My life has never been the same. I screwed up a lot since then. I made wrong decisions. I took wrong turns. I tracked the wrong path. I paid a lot for the stupid reasons I had for ignoring you and setting you aside. After years of being a faithless wanderer, I came to realized that I once believed in you, that I once become your best friend. Then I realized that you are one of those few who really understood me. I feel awful now that I have come to my senses. What I did was wrong. Completely wrong (though I do not know how philosophers would say about that.) Why have I forsaken you when all I that I do not like are your friends? I am pretty much sure that you are not like them. So much not like them. I am sorry for being such an ass for the past few years of my life.

I am still finding my way to you. I have not seen you for the past few years. Maybe you already moved away or something. I do not know where you are residing now. But I hope that this letter comes to your attention, because I know how busy you are.

Until then,

Me