I am neither happy nor sad.
In fact, I am not feeling anything. I don't get excited. I don't get hurt. I don't get angry or frustrated anymore. I mean, I just don't feel anything. Nothing makes me feel anything. Not even the most agitating situation can make me feel anything. I don't even feel irritated when waiting for a long time. What's even worse is that I can't feel attraction. I don't have any crush right now. There is no one who can make me feel. No one. And I have been like this for quite some time now. I don't know if this is okay or if this means that something is wrong.
I don't want to sound whiny, but I just can't help but think: what is wrong with me? I am supposedly to be on the peak of everything. I am in my late adolescent stage. According to the psych books, I should feel the hormones acting on me. I should get easily affected by everything. But I am not. I simply get detached. Why? Why is that happening to me? I am still a teenager, why am I not feeling anything? I am just confused most of the time. I know it is excusable for me to be confused, but aside from that? I just feel bleak. Just bleak, and nothing else.
At first, I thought that feeling nothing is okay, like it is a good thing. I thought that being not able to feel is one of a kind, like it is something only a few people are capable of. I thought that being not able to feel anything is equivalent to being strong. But then, I was proven wrong.
It is good to feel nothing sometimes, but when it gets consistent and normal, you start asking yourself what is wrong with you. The lack of any emotion and feeling is like a vacuum. It is actually a vacuum. And being in a vacuum is not good.
Being in a vacuum makes me less of a human. Being not able to generate any feeling and emotion makes me less of a person. It rips me off of everything that I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment