My History on Love

Relationship request from [insert name here]: Accept or Reject?

Today, I will get too personal. Today, I will talk about my past relationshits and what I learned from them. Before we start, let me just tell you that:

• I am not after the looks.
• I rarely have "couple" pictures taken.
• I am not into labels.
• I usually make bad decisions.

So, it might be hard for me to explain whatever it was that transpired between me and him. Please bear with me. 

The Childhood Sweetheart. We were in fifth grade. At the time, I paid no attention to boys and attraction. The term "crush" was alien to me. All I cared about were books, friends, and physical games. I was a dork even before. I was a transferee, and he was the first one to notice me. He befriended me and we clicked instantly. Not long after, we found ourselves spending lunch breaks together, goofing around the school together, and pranking anyone in the school (even the teachers). We even walked home together. We were practically best of friends. In our sixth grade, he started acting weird and suddenly got shy around me. He then started sending me letters, which I totally ignored because I hated reading letters. Things changed after that. We started ignoring each other as if we were not friends. It was only four months before our graduation that he told me the content of his letters. Apparently, he liked me... more than friends. Being impulsive and totally mental, I told him, "Yeah? Let's try being more than friends then." His reaction: ecstatic. Mine? Bored. After that day, I went back to ignoring him. We didn't talk until three days before graduation. He asked me what happened between us. I shrugged and told him I was sorry. And we were back to being strangers. 

Lesson learned: Don't say something and then walk away like nothing happened. If you say it, then fucking mean it. 

The Easy Target. I was in first year college. I met him through a common friend. We started out as friends. Things were easy with him. We didn't have to pretend we were somebody we were not. I knew his secrets and how his mind worked; he knew mine. We talked to each other almost everyday always until dawn. We were smooth sailing. Not until he asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him I didn't believe in labels. At first, it was okay with him. But I could only push someone too much. Three months after the no label spiel, he wanted a label. I was bored, and said okay. Three weeks into the "label," I quit. At the time, I had a lot of issues to deal with, so I left him without even saying goodbye.  

Lesson learned: Some people were just meant to be friends. Relationship and feelings cannot be forced to someone. 

The Summer Love Affair. First year going second year college. He was the first person I dated. From the very start, I knew his intentions. He was very clear about it. He wanted me to be his girlfriend. With label. I didn't know what got into me, but I actually gave him a chance. I gave myself the opportunity to prove to myself that maybe I wasn't a frigid and heartless person. The day we got "together," he wanted me to meet his family. I told him I wasn't ready yet. Instead of saying okay, he told me that he wanted to meet mine. What I did was, I let him meet my high school friends. He was the first guy I tagged along to a Barkada Lunch. However, nothing was easy with him. I had to be feminine and perfect around him. I had to extend more understanding and patience, because our wavelengths weren't the same. I also had to make the effort to reach out to him. We were so different, but realizing my relationshit history, I had to make the relationship last for at least more than three months. It didn't last that long, because I caught him cheating on me with someone else. 

Lesson learned: Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. 

The Teenage Dream. After being cheated on, I focused on acads, friends, and beer. A year after my failed first labeled relationship, I met this guy. He was one of the students in my summer class. He was funny and bursting with energy. He wasn't stunning, but he was interesting--interesting enough to get and to keep my attention. He asked for my number. He called me and things took off from there. Since then, my weekends would consist of Saturday Movie day and Sunday Church day--with him. He made me feel like a girl, like I was special. Effort wasn't much of an issue on both sides. Everything felt right whenever we were together. I didn't mind being mushy and stupid with him. I even made him a poem (yes, I did, judge me then.) The relationshit would have lasted for more than 6 months, had I not fallen in love with someone else. 

Lesson learned: Some things are better left unsaid. 

The One that Got Away. He came to my life while I was having my teenage dream fulfilled by someone else. I met him on a Tuesday (the day I decided to ditch my majors to think over my life and life choices) while I was killing myself with nicotine. He said something that made me smile inside. He was the first guy who told me that. I didn't say anything, but I smirked at him. Exactly a week after that, he asked our common friends for my number and sent me a message. My first reflex was to assume that he was being friendly since he was already warned that I was dating someone else. My second reflex was to friendzone him. So I did both. Things were going pretty well. We were friends who loved to talk about music, literature, and random stuff. We were friends until my Eros shot me with his arrow. I knew I had to stop. And I did. I stopped talking to him and vanished into thin air from his world. 

Lesson learned: Someone will come to your life, change how you view the world, and then leave you perhapsless and stuck in reverse. 

The Counterpart. It took me years to get over The One That Got Away. I didn't think I was ready to get emotionally attached to someone. So, I played the game I played before--the art of being a humanoid. I set foot on this guy's territory, marked him as my own, and left him years ago. Life was okay for him, until I knocked on his door. This time, I had no intention of running away, but I also had no intention of staying. I just wanted to kick back and relax. In the end, it didn't work out for us. We were too much alike that it became boring and predictable. 

Lesson learned: Beware of boredom. It will force you to make decisions you will regret later. 

The Revolution. Coming soon...

Lesson learned: You'll know it when you feel it. Fall in love again, because second chances are always magical.