Fluorescent Adolescent

Somebody save me. I don't care how you do it. Just save me.

I want to go anywhere but here. I want to be part of something else. I want to see something new and something crazy. I want to participate in life. And I want to experience Charlie's I-feel-infinite moment. But the sad thing is, I am helpless.

Maybe it is the thing with depression. I keep on doing things I never want to do just to forget the things that I really want to do. I do things in order to compensate for the decisions I cannot make. I get sad, I get happy, I get cranky, I get apathetic over the fact that I am limited and that I do not act on it. One moment, I know what I am doing. Then the next minute, I am as lost as a three-year old kid. But I know that it is more than.

All my life people around me always tell me what to do and what not to do, what I can do and what I cannot do. I am tired being People's Puppet, but I am helpless. I do not want to disappoint them, that's the thing. That's the FUCKING THING. Emotional blackmails always work for me. Always. But I realized, how about my fucking feeling and my fucking life?

I am depressed and I do not want to talk to People, BUT NOBODY NOTICES THAT. I just want to be alone. I just want to lie on my bed and blind myself with Bewitched series or any old film. I want to vanish. I want to apparate. Or maybe be with people whom I trust my high-slash-drunken self with, and believe me there are only few people in that category. Or maybe I just want to forget everything.

"Obliviate!"