Only few people are worth the effort, the time, and the shenanigans.
Sadly enough, you are not one of them. You never asked me if I am okay. You never did that, because you never really cared about me or about anyone. You never talked to me when you're okay and sober. You just talked to me whenever you have a fucking problem or whenever you needed someone who would listen to your crap. You saw me as someone who will listen to you whenever you want to rant. You only saw me as a wallflower, always ready to understand you, always ready to drop anything at your beck. You never saw me as an equal, because nobody can ever be your equal. Besides who I am to you anyway? I am just some dirtbag you can toss around whenever you are back to your fucking happy ways.
I was a friend to you, but you never were a friend to me. You never listened to me. It was always You because you are the center of the world. You never asked me, "What's wrong?" when I was deliberately telling you that I am fucking depressed. You did not even bother to pat my back, dude. Instead you asked me a far-fetched question directing to your greatness. You never cared that I was fucking my head with a steel bar just so I could get along with your mood swings. You did not even consider that I have a life and problems to deal with, that it was too much for me to do your stuff. I cannot fucking take it anymore
And you know what's the saddest part of it all? It is the fact that I allowed you to do that to me. At some point, I had my faults. I had been a doormat (because that's what I really am). But I can only take so much. I can never be that person anymore. I am tired of always having to consider your feelings before mine, of having to think about your opinions before I express mine, of having to put your needs before mine, and of having to be your shadow everytime. I am sick of it. I'm done with your selfishness and self-serving bias.
You weren't there when I was having a bout with depression. You weren't there when I can't feel my feet. You weren't there when I ate a pack of Cream-O in one sitting. You weren't there when I was thinking of dropping my major. You weren't there when my tummy went crazy. You weren't there when I had my heart broken. Maybe you cannot even understand the story behind these things, because you weren't there. You were simply not there for me.
Perhaps you will never understand me, but I don't care anymore. You can shit all you want, but you cannot move me. Not anymore.
