Love could be the most beautiful feeling ever...or it could be the most terrifying.
Either way, love is the most confusing and the most complex feeling of all. The rush, the thump, the rose-colored glasses, then the uncertainty, the fear, the anxiety--these emotions fill up your heart as butterflies swirl in your stomach.
You see him. Your heart skip a bit. You take a deep breath. You stare at him, and suddenly you hear music in the background. It is the kind of music that only people (falling) in love can hear. The kind of music that makes a heart swell with overwhelming emotions. Everything fades into the background. There's only one dimension--He. Everything's on slow motion as he walks towards you. He is smiling his lopsided smile, the smile that won your heart from the very start. He waves at you. You smile back, failing to wave in return because you don't have the energy to do so. You hear your heart stumping like crazy. You hold your breath, anticipating, waiting for him.
Then, the future flashes before you. You are spending your life with him. You have two kids. You are living in a two-story yellow house with a big garage and a well-maintained garden. Your family owns a dog named Bully. He is the youngest partner in a well-known law firm in the city, while you are making your way in publishing industry. You talk about random things every night before going to sleep. You cook breakfast for him and the kids every morning and make sure that they do not forget anything before they leave. You stay at home, writing your new novel. During weekends, he cooks for the family. He makes time for you and the kids. He is the one in-charge during the weekends. He makes you feel like a queen. He takes you out to dinner sometimes while the kids stay over at their grandparents' place. But most of the time, you spend the time together as one happy family.
Sometimes you argue over silly things, but make up after everything is cleared. Your life together as a couple is pretty usual, only that the love you have for each other has not faded, not a bit. Time passes. Your kids turn into adults. Still, the two of you is together. You still listen to your favorite songs together. You two still hold hand and share the same dream together. He is old. You are old. But time is nothing. He smiles at you, his eyes glisten with unwavering love. You smile back, knowing that you have made the right decision to fight for him long ago.
Now, he's in front of you. His smile has not faded. His eyes shimmer with happiness and excitement. You gaze at him, longing, gaping, thinking of what to say. You heart is in your throat.
Five years is a long time. Yet, you are falling in love with him over again. You feel your gut tighten. Then, there comes fear. You are supposed to take this chance to tell him what you feel. You are supposed to tell him you love him, but you cannot. You fear his rejection. But it is now or never. You open your mouth to say the words you long to say for five years. Just when the first word is slipping off of your lips, a girl comes into the picture. He put his right arm over her shoulders and gives her a peck on her lips. He introduces you to her. You smile. She smiles. He says something to you, but you cannot hear any of it. Your ears stop functioning. You cannot move. You are staring at them, yet you cannot see. Your heart has been crashed. Your hopes died. Everything in you is breaking into pieces. Pain is eating you away. It is not jealousy, it is pure pain and heartache. You wish everything is just a dream, a very bad dream. But you know that the pain is real, way too real.
But of course, you know that none of these are true. That all of these just happen in your mind. You just make these up. You are not in love. You are not hurt. You are just bored and maybe a little bit hormonal. There is no "He," because "He" only exists in your imagination. The emotions you've created are just words without meaning, nothing more. You lie on your bed, shake off any remaining ideas in your head, and sleep. You sleep until you don't feel alone and lonely anymore. You sleep until you are in that familiar world again. A world where love is not confusing and complex. You sleep, and worry no more.